2004-09-03 - 5:14 p.m.
I realized a lot of things today...
1. I am not fit to live with, and will probably make a horrible trailer park trash mother, because I was taking a nap at 4:30 in the afternoon, which definetely falls into the "This is not a time designating for sleeping and therefore people have the right to operate a normal volume" zone, but nonetheless, when I was awakened by my apartmentmates' loud whoops and romping, I screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP!", it just sort of came out of my mouth the second my eyes snapped open. I don't think they heard me anyway cause it didn't stop. But still. Trailer park mom! Overreacting bitch!
2. I've spent my entire life avoiding work, and trying to convince myself that I appreciate education and want to pursue an interesting and satisfying career in the future...is bullshit. I just want to do nothing.
I think it's just anxiety. I've been suffering from extreme extreme anxiety lately...the dry mouth, sweating, dry eyes, no sleeping and eating and snapping at friends variety. I hope I stop, because they are my only friends...literally. And I'm not gonna make any more. It's too late. So I'm feeling anxious and nervous and angry and lonely too. And angry that I'm lonely. I worked too hard on not feeling lonely.
